| new journal |
[10 Dec 2004|04:07am] |
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i have a new journal... _doctorVSdoctor -add it.
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| we all live in a yellow submarine.. |
[30 Nov 2004|08:56pm] |
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TPS-"the district sleeps alone tonight" |
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I'm making this entry public because i feel like everyone should be able to get a chance to read this. i believe its important
i dont know. so lately, i have been feeling emotionaly drained and physically tired. maybe because i have been sick. but anyway.. turn back now if you dont feel like reading a lecture about life. kay,thanks. [and im taking somethings out of a conversation i had with my bestest buddy Kevin]
for one, life is tough, i never really thought about it. but it really is. and its like not like a game you can just fold up and put away. you actually have to reach the finish line. sometimes you can deside where that finish line is going to be;but we all know that if we actually want to live.. we dont know when that finish line is. so until then, you have to give it your best.
and its like.. you cant ever relive anything.. there is no rewind button.. nor is there a fastforward button so you just have to take it one step at a time. and it sucks though because all the good times i had when i was younger.. i wish i could relive them.. but i cant. and then all the horrible times im going to have i wish i could fastforward to a better time. but i cant. i have to live through that also. and it really really sucks. because its like, only you can change it; then and there. ....... like an andy warhol quote that i love ... "they say that time changes things;but you have to actually change them yourself"
and just to think about it.. my brother... is going to be eighteen friday. It seems like just yesterday, we were going down the steps on a boogie board. and just yesterday that we were building tents and playing that silly childish airplane game. or when we would always fight. even though i got hurt,emotionaly and physically; i really miss thoughs times. those are some of the times that i wish i had this "rewind" button in life. but really just yesterday i was at school;sick.. and sleeping.. not having the good times that i had when i was with my brother. nor did i have the arguments i had with him. because they are all over with.. hes going to become an adult on friday.. and nothing is slowing that down.
it kinda seems like hes going to change, ya know. but hes not. because its just another day. but eventually one day hes going to meet some girl..and then get married and have kids and move away and then we wont have the times that we had when we were younger.. and then its the same with me. again, kinda like A.warhol said; the people is what change things. time is not making anyone move, time is not making anyone change feelings about another person. its that one[or group of] person[s] actions.
like Kevin said; i mean shit happens whether you want it to or not;thats what and how life is/goes. its how we cope with those choices and losses. and what you have with you to show for it at the end. and its hard.
so its like this; if you dont talk to someone you havent talked to in years, its not the time that was lost's fault. but its your own fault for not taking that time to spend it with that person. or with anyone in general. life is short. and you only live once. [that is if you dont believe in that re-encarnation bullshit] but, to me, you only live once so its okay to go break all the rules. because once its all gone, there will be no rules to break. no time left to spend with the people you loved and cared about.
and it sucks. it really does. because you think now, when you're young, that you have alll the time in the world to fuck around, or all the time that you want. but what you do now, is going to most likely effect you in the future. whether you choose to take that extra assignment in school to get your GPA higher, in which a college would most likely to accept you. and everyone knows why they go to college, to persue your occupation. and then that choice of an occupation you make affects your income. which then impacts the way you live. the type of house you have, the area in which you live in. everything you could possibly think of; just coming from that extra effort. okay, so maybe its not that serious. but it still is about half as serious as what i made it out to be.
soo yeah, think about all this.. and think about where you want to be in ten years. even fifteen years. whatever/whereever you want to be.. you can. because its up to yourself. fuck what others think. they are just there to bring you down. only let the ones you love and trust tell you their opinions;because sometimes, in the long run, they dont even matter.
so, yeah.. i guess life is like a box of chocolates;because you never know what you're going to get.
sooooo that's my life lesson for the day I suppose. I don't know. it was one of those very "lectural" moments. [if lectural even is a word?]
*laur.
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| did you ever see that one person? |
[07 Nov 2004|06:36pm] |
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fata-"too bad you're beautiful" |
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omg last night was super fun.. we took lots and lots and lots of pictures.. i might end up putting some on here.. maybe. but i dont know cause im lazy.
i think im ordering my stuff from dtr and whatnot on tuesday. yes.
hmmm i dont know
i got a makeover and it was awesome.
i got some extremely expensive makeup
</b>anyway do this</b>
HELP UNDERSCORE!!!!TAKEOVER RECORDS CONTEST...DIRECTIONS...
1. Go to www.purevolume.com/listenersarea/signup and register your name and email. They won't spam you...its simply so there's no cheating
2. Tell everyone you know to go register their name. Friends, Family, Enemies....EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!!
3. On Novemver 15th Registration ends and voting starts. Voting will be for one week!
4. Go to www.purevolume.com and look for the link for the TAKEOVER RECORDS "SIGN MY BAND" CONTEST. Click it
5. VOTE FOR UNDERSCORE!!!
THANKS! ^_^
Laur<3
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| 'Cause your [afraid] to find out all this hope |
[02 Nov 2004|09:40pm] |
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Hellogoodbye-"call and return" |
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-Me and Morgan went to the mall yesterday, Dave, Jamie, corey, casey, and bonhot were only there for like 20 mins because corey wanted to leave. it made me sad... so when they left me and morgan went walking around and then we saw amanda, val and courtney again so we walked around with them and they were asking everyone if they knew how to do the Hustle or the Running Man. no one knew.. but amanda danced with some guy that worked at the food court and he was pretty cute. we made a friend named vince and he walked around with us for a while. he was nice but quite. hmmm.. yes so then after an hour and a half or so amanda, val and courtney had to leave. so me and morgan walked around for like an hour by ourselves. Morgan got a hot hat from Gadzooks. its pretty. yes. we saw some group of hot guys.. and apparently one with the orange shirt waved at me but i didnt see so i didnt get to wave back =(.. yes.. soo.. then her mom came and we left.
-then she stayed the night. we did like nothing except sit on the computer.
-then today i did nothing today except go to Morgan's and watch "Mean Girls" it was good. ^_^
-tomorrow theres school and then im getting my hair done. and im sure ill post some pictures on here ^_^ <33
*Laur<33
Nader for president
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| So we take the night, if we fall then we're done.. |
[31 Oct 2004|09:28pm] |
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ICMAMLNB-"The Kindler Burns" |
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-Went over my dads friday and Morgan came over..got chinese <33
-Saturday.. got into a huge fight with my dad.. he made me walk like two miles so my mom could pick me up at this place because she didnt know exactly where he lived. omg he's such a horrible father for that. who makes their child and their friend walk two miles so that their mom could pick them up.. wtf?! mother fucking asshole.
-me and morgan went to white marsh last night.. we got AP magazines with MCR on the cover. and I got the ICMAMLNB cd. i almost peed myself. we followed these two hot guys for like a half hour. we saw kacey.. we saw maria <33 and dave, corey, and jamie.. they are fun. so we walked with them and then we got a ride home from corey, dave, and jamie. it was fun. i had an incredible time.
-My mom made me a hair appointment for wednesday.. it's going to be like that girls on my last entry. Im so excited for that
-not going to school tomorrow. i think i deserve a four day weekend and then only 3 days of school this week <3 ^_^
-didnt go trick or treating today, i thought it would be stupid. so yeah im not going.
-talked to my aunt about phili show. she said that she probably will.. and since the show is a saturday, i can skip school on friday and we will go up to NYC to shop.. then drive down to phili on saturday and go to the show and then come home sunday. oh.em.ef.gee. im so effing excited. me and morgan cant stop talking about it. and how we might see nick and dave. we would freak out and pee ourselves. i would cry, i think, if i didnt talk to them.. if they were there. yes.
-im ordering stuff from dtr and kh this weekend if my child support comes in.. pictures below..
( So be careful what you see, it can mean the end. )
Laur<33
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[29 Oct 2004|05:54pm] |
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SoCo- "Konstantine" |
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ehh.. today was okay..
first pd[gym]..didnt go..
homeroom.. we watched Pee Wee Hermans big adventure. and i absolutly love that movie. to the max.
Math.. was okay. im totally doing better.
Amer. Gov.. two tests and a fire drill thing 'cause someone pulled the alarm.
Bio.. faggish.. two tests. ugh.
THEN...
Samantha came over today, we watched DTR<3
NOW...
I'm listening to music and packing to go to my fathers..
halloween party thing tomorrow night.
me and morgan are going to have tons of fun.
not going to school monday.. we have off tuesday.
maybe ill get my hair done like this..
It's so effing hawt<3 bwaha
hmm...
*Laur<3
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| It's a night of many frightening things... |
[27 Oct 2004|05:48pm] |
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ICMAMLNB- whispering actually |
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( Drop down & get your eagle on girl.. )
Yesterday, me and Morgan went to see The Grudge, it was so weird.. but it was exactly like The Ring i suppose.. and speaking of the ring, I saw preveiws for The Ring 2. im excited to see that. hmm.. i didnt get "ICMAMLNB" cd.. ugh. oh well ill get it sometime. mmhmm. I love him.
Yay, my chinese is going to be here in like 15 mins<33
Eh, I dont want to go to school tomorrow. BUT..I dont think I am going on Monday, because we have off on Tuesday, so there is really no point in going. yah.
*Laur<3
This is your chance, make it worth your life
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| you got the best of me... |
[26 Oct 2004|05:41pm] |
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The sound of cars |
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yay.
got some super new clothing last night.
me and morgan went together and it was fun..
now we're probably going to go to Record and Tape.. then the movies to see The Grudge.
yes.
*Laur
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| Moosletoe..... |
[24 Oct 2004|01:53am] |
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Finch |
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Aww.. today I hung out with Der and Heather =) <3 ... they came over my house around like 2 2:30.. and then we went to the Flea Market.. but it was closing .. at like 3:30.. we were late cause of me. cause im gay.. but no one told me what time it closed. but anyway... so we started walking across to wal*mart and these two ladies were like Jesus Freaks and it was scarey like woah. And Der was arguing with them about God/Jesus thing. it was funny. the ladies.. were like.. will you pray with us.. and we were like no thanks.. and then we were walking away and Der said something like neg. about God/Jesus.. and the lady was like, "he loves you". it was crazy haaa. then we went to wal*mart and i got speakers for my new computer..mouse pad some make up. yes. Then we went back to my house for a little bit. and then we went out to Eastpoint.. and we took pictures..
( Drop it like its hot )
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| So horrible.. so horrible.. |
[19 Oct 2004|12:33am] |
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Death Cab for cutie- the alcohol diary |
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Got a new computer..
ill be able to update more.. maybe if i want to.
i got to see jake and josh for the first time in seven months this past weekend.. yay<33
the end?
-Laur<3
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| Im sorry it took me so long.... |
[01 Oct 2004|11:45pm] |
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Music in my head. |
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-welll... me and morgan barely talk. its okay... but shes cool and all.. and we're cool. its not like we're 'rah' to eachother anymore?
-i have been hanging out with Heather and Josh a lot lately. its fun.
-Tonight i went to see ... burning rosewood, cartel, a second chance, all rights reserved, all time low, and fire in the hole.. it was fun. yep.
-tomorrow im supposed to go to Ren fest.. but my dads not going till sunday now. .so eh.
-Laur<3
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| Soon found out.. had a heart of glass.... |
[20 Sep 2004|07:38pm] |
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Blondie- "In the Flesh" |
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-yesterday Jay left to go back to school.. i miss him an all but its so gay that he comes home every weekend.. i mean it would be different if he actually spent time with me.. but he doesnt.. at all. its really sad though. he makes me cry.
-Josh came over yesterday.. we watched.. Aqua Teen Hunger Forse dvd and Zoolander. yep. I love athf.. sooooo funny and meatwad is hot shit <3 i want to marry meatwad. tehe ^_^
-Today in school we had an assembly.. today was good 'till 3rd period cause i just had my american gov class more than anything. and the assembly was during 4th so all we did in that class was define our gay vocab. so thats good we did nothing at all. Morgan had to speak at that assembly cause shes running for something. i forget what. but yeah. something.
-We spoke like 5 words to eachother. It's sad though.. but maybe it's better this way? maybe. she's been with Hope a lot lately. But I have been with Heather<3 she's too great. and I have been with josh and other guys lately. I just never clicked well with girls. yeah they are so bitchy and high maitenence. yep. icky.
-Today I hung out with heather as soon as we got out of school 'till like 6:15.. she bought me a Reeces fastbreak<3 omg it make me ecstactically happy ^_^. then we went to her house.. then back out to Patapsco where we ran into.. Casey S, Pat K, Adam G, and Eric ?. they were skateboarding so we spent a few hours or so with them. then they left and we saw other kids she knew so we hung out with them at PHS too. and then some stupid black kid came up to beat up some kid but he ran away a couple of mins before the kid got there and the one black kid went up to this other black kid that knows the kid that was sposed to get beat up and like pushed him off his bike and was mean.. so when the "gangstas" (3 white kids and a black kid) drove off in their family van I was like "fuck youuuu" *middle finger* and the black kid stuck his head out the window and flipped me off too. but whatever.. its not like hes going to stab me i dont think. haa. yep soo fun.
-tomorrow im supposed to hang out with josh and heather and do whatever.
-hopefully i will be able to go to the mall this weekend cause there are cool people there at the arcades.. i would have never thought i would actually want to go to Eastpoint. how ironic.
-Laur<33
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| Out of touch.. out of time.. |
[18 Sep 2004|06:05pm] |
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dashboard confessional- "the good fight" |
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You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
-Laur<33
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| now and again.. it seems worse than it is... |
[15 Sep 2004|10:32pm] |
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Bright eyes- "Haligh Haligh. A lie. Haligh |
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-i got my hair cut.. super short... but it looks good.. if you want to see pictures of it go here.. http://profiles.myspace.com/users/6072457 ...yep...
-school was gay today.. but like 50 thousand people said that they loved my hair.. which made me feel good but then again it did get old. but yeah..
-had a test in math today.. maybe i did okay
-it rained so it was icky out.. after school josh came up.. fun..
-bonhot and so fat ass kid named lacy.. which is a girls name may i mind you.. but hes a fat ass kid. and yeah he was starting shit with bonhot... and he punched him in the face.. but then bonhot punched him too and like fractured/broke/did something weird to his hand.. its all scarey looking *gasps*
-josh imed me and wanted to hang out so i said okay.. while he was being dropped off by bonhot and his mom.. they were on their way to the hospital place to get his hand x-rayed.
-then we saw morgan and talked to her for like 30 mins. trying to get her to come with us.. but she like never gave us an answer so i left cause i hate waiting for people to make up their mind when its like not a hard descion at all. ugh.
-but then when me and josh were walking we liked walked in a circle which is really like a rectangle... i saw morgans van thing.. and it stopped in front of hopes house.. they came to get her to go to Fells Point.. so morgan didnt come with us cause she was going with her sister i suppose. but she didnt tell me.. idk dont get invited anywhere at all. and it makes me mad and upset at the same time.. cause how could you not invite your "best friend" somewhere when they invite you everywhere wtf. so Markie invited us. and yeah...
-fells point was okay. everything was closed.. it was drizzling sometimes and it was windyish/cold. so it was icky out.
i didnt have a very good time. nope.
-tomorrow we have off of school.. how exciting.. im going to sleep in till like 11-ish i think.. ... and then i think im going to the mall with Joe and his sister and her boyfriend.. how much fun!.. and Maria is working so I can visit her <3 yeah.. im dont ranting and raving.. rahh..
-Laur</3>And I never let you go...I never let y o u go...</marquee>
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| Two pills just weren't enough.. |
[13 Sep 2004|04:21pm] |
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confused |
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Bright Eyes- "The center of the world" |
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-didnt do anything yesterday except stay on the computer from like 11- 3 in the morning. how fun.. oh wait .. i did go to Record and tape to get the Bright Eyes cd.. and I stopped at Dairy Queen to get a Mocha Moolate thing.. yumm.
-Stayed home today.. didnt feel the greatest.. though i didnt want to go to school also.. so it all worked out.
-Tomorrow Josh is sposed to come up to our school. horray. fun.
-Im confused with some things. but i dont want to talk about it in this thing. cause too many people read it im sure. i hate hurting people and myself... ehh
-Laur
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| laced with brillant smiles and shining eyes... |
[11 Sep 2004|09:46pm] |
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U2- Bad |
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i wasnt going to update this anymore.. but i am.. so yeah.. and i think im going to update my greatest journal too. i might have the same entrys in it as this one though so yeah..
-jay came home yesterday... he told me he would hang out with me but of course that didnt happend once again.. so i fell asleep at like 7:30 cause i didnt wanna see him leave. i cried so much. he makes me cry when he doesnt want to talk to me and rather be with his friends
-i didnt feel good yesterday.. i coughed soo much.. god
-so today i went to see resident evil: the apocalypse with Josh and his 2 friends. it was fun.. and the movie was good.
-we visited matt at work.. it was cute.
-so i left right after the movie at 6.. so i could spend quality time with my brother before he left.. so i like gave up my saturday to be with him.. but when i got home his friend TJ was here so yeah that wasnt "laur and jay time" it was like "no time" so w/e then around 6:45.. around 35 mins after i got home.. he like left so yeah i was there with just my mom and grandmother so yeah no jay. which it shoulda been. god. so i coulda still hung out with josh longer.
-i feel so lonely.. i need new/ more friends.. but im so picky.. i hate girls .. so your lucky if im your friend and your a girl cause they are bitchy, drama, and high maitanence (cant spell that).. so im like friends with like all guys.. i have less than 5 girl-friends and then the rest of em are like guys. and its gay cause then my brother yells.. and then my mom has a fit.. but w/e im going to sit her down and talk to her about it.. and have her like meet everyone.. it would be fun actually. i am so lonley and i hate it..
-i think next week i am going to Ren Fest with my dad.. i wanna bring morgan, hope and matt and i want josh to go too cause it would be fun.. but idk what him and morgan are up to and i dont want it to be awkward?
-i like being out of the house more than anything.. so how come no one invites me places or w/e?
-im starting to become like i was a year and a half ago.. all sad and crying everyday.. i dont like it. help me.
-jay leaves tomorrow.. and i dont know if he is coming home next weekend.. but i dont want to make any plans with him at all.. that way.. they cant get ruined. it makes me cry. he makes me cry.
-laur</3>I cant believe the news today.. oh I cant close my eyes and make it go away..</marquee>
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| Soon found out, had a heart of glass... |
[29 Aug 2004|06:38pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Blondie- "The tide is high" |
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well yeah i desided to make a greatest journal and im going to update in that for now on. click the link next to the picture below to go to it..
 The end is here
-Laur<3
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| I never said I'd lie and wait forever... |
[27 Aug 2004|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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MCR- Cemetary Drive (something like that) |
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-Jay left today at like 10:30 in the morning.. omg Im soo sad. i just wanna cry. someone hold me.
-my mom went over to my school to "fix" my schedule. except now its more effed up, more than it was before. im so pissed.. this is what i get for being considerate.
my old sched:
1st term: tech ed, gym(a),rotc(b)- dropped, history, lunch, bio
2nd term: comp info,gym,rotc,history, lunch, bio
3rd term: english, gym, rotc, alg,lunch, french
4th term: english, gym, rotc, alg, lunch, french
now my new sched. is soo gay
1st term: gym, alg, history, lunch, bio
2nd term: gym, alg, history, lunch, bio
3rd term: eng, art, healt, lunch, french
4th term: eng, art, tech ed, lunch, french
sooo now i am not in any of morgans classes i dont think.. i didnt check her sched with my new one yet.. damn you ms kearney. she soo effed up my schedule. errr. so now, just trying to be nice and get into morgans classes... my whole sched is switched.. i got some new teachers too. like my math, gym, tech ed, art, and health teachers. i am soo pissed. damnit. err
-marni is not coming over tonight.. she couldnt get a ride. and i couldnt get her one.. so i think we are picking her up tomorrow morning before the mall.. im excited.. yay. i get to go shopping for lots of clothes.. i think ill have like 300$.
-i need to call mike sometime today i really need to get ahold of him.. i need to ask him if it would be possible to get into the zu. even though it is 18+. i called like his cell 2 times last night and it said he doenst accept incoming calls? what kinda shit is that? and then i called his house 2 times and his answering machine picked up.. it was hilarious it was something like... "hi this is mike.. and this is rob... you have reached our home answering device, thanks for calling" (something like that)
ehh I'll prolly update agian in like a few hours since i have nothing else better to do with my life.
-Laur<3
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